October to December 1980 were happy months. I was in love for the first time, in a proper adult relationship with a man 5 years my senior.
Christmas Eve. Suzie and I were at a nightclub in the City Centre, dancing and having fun. I remember the DJ playing Slade's Merry Christmas Everybody at midnight. Our spirits were high as we chatted on our walk back to the taxi rank. Out of the blue she said, 'I saw John today, we had a good game of squash'. My heart sank - he had called me late afternoon and hadn't mentioned anything about meeting Suzie for a game of squash. I didn't question her, just pretended I already knew and carried on chatting. Inside my heart was breaking.
Christmas Day was completely ruined for me, I felt devastated. I tried to put on a brave face but my parents kept asking what was wrong. Inside my head I was coming up with all the excuses I could find as to why he hadn't told me, but I knew the real reason. Suzie was gorgeous, and she knew it. She could have any guy she wanted. But she didn't want John - I knew that for sure. I felt so stupid. Of course he hadn't been looking at me that night in October, I was just a way of getting to Suzie. I should end the relationship with him before he could hurt me any further.
But I didn't. Instead I asked him about the game of squash. His reply, 'Her white shorts were so short, I could have been in there'. Then he laughed and said, 'It was only a game of squash, what are you going on about?'. I kept on hurting for the next month, then I let it go. Looking back, I have no idea why!
